Fathers Day
Father’s day is always bittersweet for me. I love being a dad. Let me say that again. I love being a dad. There is nothing greater in life than for your child to hold you and tell you they love you. I have so far to go as a father and I feel like a failure 90% percent of the time. I’m selfish and choose me over my kids many times. I’m lazy and don’t get on the ground and play their silly games with them. I get angry with them and raise my voice. I make unreasonable requests at them because of my own lack of patience.
There are times when I am working and have not seen them for days that my heart breaks to be with them and then there are times when I have spent a lot of time with them and I can’t wait for them to go to bed. Being a father is a roller coaster and takes tremendous work because they follow my actions, they listen to my words and they embrace what I am passionate about. Which means there is a huge responsibility to raise them according the standards found in scripture and I dreadfully fall short. However I would not trade it in for anything the world.
The bitter part of Father’s day is that my father is passed away. I had a sketchy relationship with my father at best. Very abusive home, alcoholism and drug addiction would sum up my childhood and teenage years, but man I wish my dad was here to see me now. To invest in my life. I wish he was here so I could talk to him as an adult. To tell him I love him. To hopefully hear him say he loved me back. I wish he was here to see my kids and see my wife. I wish he was here so I had a chance to tell him about this incredible relationship with Christ that I have. I did a horrible job of living out my faith for many years, or living with a facade. I pray my dad knew Jesus but I really don’t know. I hope that I will see him again one day.
I hope that I will leave a legacy for for my kids to be proud of. I pray that one day my kids will not only call me dad but call me their friend. I pray that I never lose their trust. I pray that I will show them Jesus in everything I do.
Moving Day
This weekend has been filled with painting and prepping as we literally moving to the end of the driveway. Of course to make a house a home it requires multiple color changes to each wall and it requires that furniture is moved at least 7 times because obviously that is the number of perfection. Have had a good amount of help from friends, youth staff and life group and thanks to all of them. Thankful for the chance to be able to live in this house and have some privacy and freedom for the kids. So thank you to the Eric, Gus and the elders for letting us have this opportunity.
Don’t you love the fact that I am to lazy to take my own picture of the house that I had to steal it off of Eric’s Facebook page?
After School Specials & Saying No
I learned how to say no by watching after school specials in the eighties. Do you remember those? Just say no was theme in so many of them when it came to drugs, strangers, drinking and sex. I learned a lot of lessons from Scott Baio that I have applied to everyday aspects of my life.
I have been watching my friends and even myself fall into this trap of performance based pleasing. Not being able to say no because by nature were people pleasers. This is just a reminder that you have to say no to good things so you can say yes to the best. I sat in life group a couple weeks ago and talked about how can we remove the clutter that keeps our kids from having a healthy relationship with God, us and others. A lot of good answers, techniques and solutions were thought. I still say the best way to prevent or remove clutter is to simply say no.
Nobody cares about your schedule as much as you do. Nobody cares about protecting your time like you do. Focus on finding those things that really important and value and chase them. Don’t be afraid to let people down. Jesus did not heal everyone in the physical sense while on earth. He didn’t eat at everyone’s house and I would bet he probably turned some “ministry opportunities” because he was focused on a goal. Maybe we say yes to everything because we really don’t know what is important to us. Do you have goals?
Relationally Widowed
I understand that this post may be controversial and at the very least some will be upset that it is not theologically correct but I wonder if is still a needed debate? Maybe our interpretation needs to change a bit due to the cultural changes around us.
James 1:27 says, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means
caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”
There are some who will get caught up in that word “religion”, and although there are many people who have been hurt by religion and so therefore disassociate themselves from it, I do believe that it is crucial to honor the past and honor the religious moments, heroes and institutions that give us the freedom to pursue a true relationship with Christ today. With that being said I wonder if the definition of “Widow and Orphan” has culturally changed?
When my mom was divorced when I was in college she was basically alienated from the church out of fear that her “divorce disease” would contaminate others in the church. They didn’t want those types of people in the church. They treated her as an outcast until the point she felt uncomfortable enough to leave. I have seen this over and over again in a various churches. I wonder though that because of the change in our culture does the widow and orphan term not only apply to those who have lost a family member to death, but does it apply to those who have lost a family member to divorce? Are they not left alone without a spouse or a parent? Is it any different?
What’s your thoughts on this?
What Goes In
What goes in usually has a habit of coming out. I’ve experienced that over the last couple days, not that I didn’t already know that, although I will spare you any graphic details. I have heard all my life to be careful what I put in because it will come out. Whether that was the music I listened to which I obviously only listened to for “the beat”, or the movies that I watched, sites I visited or things I read, I was constantly told, “good in, good out, garbage in, garbage out”.
I even learned fun little songs in Sunday school about it, do you remember the song? ”Oh be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, because the Father up above, He is looking down with love, so be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear.” Great song. And I am learning how true it is.
Recently I heard my son repeat something that I say all the time, I didn’t realize how bad it sounded till my seven year old repeated it. Oops, now I am on guard with what I am letting in and being even more careful with my filter about what I let out. It really does have the ability to affect other people. If I truly want to be a Godly person and have that show in my marriage and family than I must be the one to set the standard of holiness.
What are some things that you do to protect your family? What are some strategies to make holiness a regular part of your life?
Kids’ Top 100 Searches of 2009
Very interesting read for any parents out there. Google has released their most popular search trends by those under the age of 18. Some of these will come as a surprise to you but for those of us who work with students and children this is an every day battle. Some of you may be offended by some of the researched items, but I am simply posting what Google results have found. I highly recommend following the link at the bottom of the page and read the breakdown per age, you may find it shocking.
- 1. YouTube
- 2. Google
- 3. Facebook
- 4. Sex
- 5. Porn
- 6. YouTube.com
- 7. Yahoo
- 8. MySpace
- 9. eBay
- 10. You Tube
- 11. Wikipedia
- 12. Michael Jackson
- 13. Taylor Swift
- 14. Gmail
- 15. Party in the USA
- 16. Miley Cyrus
- 17. Club Penguin
- 18. Miniclip
- 19. Fred
- 20. Games
- 21. Facebook login
- 22. Google.com
- 23. Hotmail
- 24. Lady Gaga
- 25. Amazon
- 26. Yahoo Mail
- 27. Justin Bieber
- 28. Addicting games
- 29. Facebook.com
- 30. Webkinz
- 31. Yahoo.com
- 32. Boobs
- 33. MSN
- 34. Hannah Montana
- 35. Dictionary
- 36. Walmart
- 37. Selena Gomez
- 38. Dictionary.com
- 39. MySpace.com
- 40. New Moon
- 41. Runescape
- 42. Lil Wayne
- 43. Google Maps
- 44. Down
- 45. Google Earth
- 46. Norton Safety Minder
- 47. Mapquest
- 48. Boom Boom Pow
- 49. Craigslist
- 50. Twilight
- 51. Megan Fox
- 52. Sesame Street
- 53. Poptropica
- 54. Target
- 55. Eminem
- 56. Music
- 57. Fireflies
- 58. Disney Channel
- 59. You Belong With Me
- 60. Utube
- 61. Weather
- 62. iTunes
- 63. Beyonce
- 64. Pokemon
- 65. Britney Spears
- 66. Twitter
- 67. Hotmail.com
- 68. Demi Lovato
- 69. Funny
- 70. Black Eyed Peas
- 71. One time
- 72. Cartoon Network
- 73. Jonas Brothers
- 74. Halo
- 75. www.youtube.com
- 76. Watcha Say
- 77. Family Guy
- 78. Taylor Swift You Belong With Me
- 79. Best Buy
- 80. Taylor Lautner
- 81. Rihanna
- 82. Pussy
- 83. Gmail.com
- 84. Lego
- 85. Gummy Bear Song
- 86. Thriller
- 87. You’re a jerk
- 88. Nigahiga
- 89. Girls
- 90. Free online games
- 91. New Moon trailer
- 92. Translator
- 93. Disney
- 94. Ask.com
- 95. Paparazzi Lady Gaga
- 96. Poker Face
- 97. Chris Brown
- 98. iPod Touch
- 99. Photbucket
- 100. Bing
Check out the rest of the article HERE for a breakdown of who was searching for what, at what age and whether they are male or female.
What are your thoughts? What filters are you using with your kids? Have you talked to your kids about these trending topics? Knowing this, will you do anything differently?
Family Matters
I wish I knew then what I know now. I’ve said that several times. Being a parent is hard. Being a husband is hard. To think I thought it would just come naturally. That somehow I would just know what to do when the time came. I could not have been more wrong. I have a 7, 5 and 3 month old and the challenges are different for each one as they each have different personalities and they are each at a different stage of life. I have been married almost 10 years now and the challenges are different each day and they too differ with each stage of life. I have learned several thing and I am learning several things when it comes to my family.
There is no such thing as balance. I have to choose one or the other suffers. I choose to pastor during the day. I choose to be a husband and a parent at night. For me there has been no such thing as balance because something always comes up and I always think my wife and kids will understand. The truth is, they don’t and to be honest they shouldn’t have to. I do believe that if I have my priorities set, I won’t have to balance. I sure wish they had a handbook on how to be a parent or a husband. I have and continue to make so many mistakes and yet they continue to love me unconditionally.
The beautiful part is there is no picture of a perfect family in the Bible. I believe that each of us are on a journey to do our best to love God and love our families. To serve God and to serve our families. No where in there did I say to love the church and to serve the church. That will come naturally out of our love for God and for our families. For me my priority must be my relationship with God and my relationship with family and my service to the church will be an overflow of those two things. And maybe one day my kids will grow to love God and to love their families and serve in a church they love and not resent any of the above because their father lacked balance.
Veteran’s Day Rememberance
I said yesterday that there was a unique set of circumstances with my family as it dealt with the past. My father was smuggled across the Berlin Wall when he was 5 years old as he was sponsored by a Lutheran Church to come to America, he moved to LA as soon as he came to America. My mom grew up in Iowa and moved to LA at a very young age. Who knew that both of their fathers had the past that they had with each other from a distance.
- My grandfather on my mom’s side was an American soldier who raided the beaches of Normandy during WWII.
- My grandfather on my dad’s side was a German officer who fought for and led part of the Nazi party during WWII.
It blows my mind that although they didn’t fight each other in face to face combat, my two grandfathers countries fought each other during the same war. It amazes me that two completely different paths would eventually lead to kids meeting and me being born.
I am grateful for my heritage and I am grateful for our troops and the sacrifices that they make for our freedom.
Dysfunctional Families
While at Catalyst I had the privilege of hearing Reggie Joyner speak about the family and there was a ton of great stuff but there was one quote that stuck in my head more than anything. He said “There are no good pictures of the family in the Bible.” I thought surely he has to be wrong. If the family is so important to God then how in the world does He not give us a picture of a what a good family looks like or at least a somewhat normal one look like?
- Adam’s Family. Started with blame and ended with murder. Adam blamed Eve for eating the apple which I’m sure went over well every night at dinner as Adam got home from work. [Well I wouldn't have had to go to work today if you hadn't eaten the apple...I could be playing with the zebra's naked] Bickering went on which I am sure affected their relationship with their kids. [Mommy why is daddy always naked, he just can't let go of the past.] Eventually the bickering between brothers led to Cain killing his brother Abel.
- Abraham’s family. Abraham pretends that Sarah is his sister and then Abraham gets another woman pregnant. Then one day Abraham says to his son Isaac trust me as he raises a knife to kill him. Serious counseling and trust issues had to occur in that family.
- Jacob’s family. Jacob had 13 kids with 4 different woman. Jerry Springer is looking for Jacob currently for his next episode.
I have looked through the scriptures and found nothing. Not one picture of what the family is supposed to look like. I wonder if it’s because the family is not supposed to look like a specific image? As individuals who make up families we are to look like Christ. That is our ultimate goal. Go ahead and read the Bible and look for a normal family. Trust me when I say it will make your dysfunctional family feel a little bit more normal. Strive to look like Jesus and maybe your family will as well.
The Life As A Wife
This post will be much more popular for woman than for the men but it needs to be read by more men.
I for only a short time have walked in the footsteps of a woman, my wife, and I have more admiration than ever before. I have caught myself saying and thinking on occasion about my wife being the lucky one getting to stay home while I go and “work”. Boy was I wrong. Yes she is blessed to stay home but it is work. I have been helping out around the house and I have come to a few random thoughts.
- Laundry-after several loads I have learned that clothes don’t clean themselves. The loads never apparently end and the clothes keep coming. Folding may be the worst thing ever. I vote for bigger washers and dryers that do it quicker and fold themselves.
- Meals-I ate last. I can’t remember when that has happened, and today my food was cold. Apparently this is a regular occurrence for my wife. Her food is always cold because she puts others first. Did you know that after you eat there is a clean up process?
- Dishes-the dishwasher cleans them but they have to be pre-washed. The floor has to be swept and the table has to be wiped down. Then after the dishes are cleaned they have to be put away.
- General-There is vacuuming and sweeping and dusting. Toys are always being taken out and put away. Beds have to be changed and trash taken out.
I guess this stuff always seemed to get done without me really stopping to think how it got done. I’ve been spoiled and I have realized that there is no way I could do what my wife does. Women are so much tougher than guys and can apparently run on no sleep at all. I have learned one other thing when it comes to intimacy. No wonder women are not as interested as men are. We have more energy than them because they apparently do a whole lot more than us. Honestly I was exhausted last night and I wonder if I helped out more she would have more “energy”.
I have talked to several ladies who have said, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” goes a long way. I can’t remember the last time I had asked that question. My wife says it is the small things that make a big difference.
So men, have you asked that question to your wife lately?
