In The Dash- Battle Of Balance
When you have multiple children you are always being pulled in different directions. One wants to play outside while the other want to read. One wants to play basketball while the other wants to play kickball. There is a constant battle of balance and fairness of time spent.
What I have tried to do is focus at least one hour of quality one-on-one time per child, per week. What this does is allow a time where the child who may not have a dominating personality feel like they are being heard and valued.
With multiple kids it is not possible to meet multiple needs at once, someone always feels left out and unheard. To make that a priority is huge in the one-on-one social development of a child. Little things go a long way to connecting with kids. They need to know they’re heard.
Actions Step:
◊ One on one time with children
In The Dash- Priceless
No children, technology or distractions, just me and my wife. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve made her feel less important and less valued so many times in my life. The ability to sit down knee-to-knee and talk about us and about what matters is priceless.
There always seems to be a distraction and sometimes I feel like I really don’t know my wife. Sadly there is always an excuse that I use to cover up my inability to communicate my heart and truly connect with her.
There comes a point where we have to stop and evaluate what is really important. For years I have said my relationship with Christ, family, kids, in that order. In reality it was me, career, etc. Why not invest into what truly matters if only I can get the me monster out of the way?
Action Step:
◊ Spend one-on-one time with my wife.
In The Dash- It’s FUNdamental
My kids love for me to read to them. My oldest loves books about Star Wars and sports. My middle child loves any book about animals or sea life. My youngest choose a book about cats. He’ll learn quickly when I quit reading to him that I don’t like cats.
There is something about that one-on-one time of reading to my children that shows them how important they really are. Their faces light up when I take the time to choose something that is important to them, and make the words on paper come alive.
I’ve created great memories when I’ve spent the time to engage my children with reading. What better way to invest time with your kids than to create lasting memories reading their favorite books? I am learning that is a gift that truly speaks to the heart of my children.
Action Step:
◊ Read to your children.
In The Dash- Just Breathe
Patience is not a word used to describe me. I let things bother me and I have a hard time letting go. I have found that I have wasted so much time in life worrying and getting frustrated over things that I have no control of.
There is a huge difference between wasting your life and investing your life. Sometimes while we are in the midst of the chaos we lose focus of that. When your life is coming to an end and time is short this life lesson becomes relevant. Why?
Because nobody wants to be at the end of their life evaluating the amount of their life they wasted, but everyone wants to know how their life has mattered and was invested wisely. Best way to get to that point is to stop letting things bother you and take a deep breath.
Action Step:
◊ Breathe deeply and not let things bother you.
In The Dash- Mission Legacy
What is drastic? For some drastic would be to attempt to write a book. For others it may be to share their feelings and emotions. Either way, in our life we want to be known for the legacy we leave behind. Even if we have made mistakes in the past, they do not define our legacy and our identity.
Our legacy will be defined by how we’ve learned from our mistakes and made those mistakes our mission. How we’ve been able to get back up may be the most drastic legacy we can leave for our children in a world.
To offer grace and forgiveness and to also accept grace and forgiveness from others is crucial. To own our mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and allow our mistakes to become our mission, while accepting and offering grace and forgiveness may be our biggest legacy.
Action Step:
◊ Do something drastic to leave a legacy for my children.
In The Dash- Live Different
One of the most impacting moments of my life was due to a series we did at church called Live Different. The idea was to live our life with purpose. It just so happened we were walking with the steps of a man who was dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Emotional to say the least was his journey the last couple months of his life. Powerful was his impact with his outlook on life and looking back with no regrets.
His funeral was a celebration of a life well invested with friends and family not a life spent with regrets. His focus and determination challenged me and has forced me to live life different.
To live intentional, to live with a purpose, to invest into others, because death is not the end but only the beginning for those who have a relationship with Christ.
Action Step:
◊ Plan out funeral to be a celebration.
In The Dash- Time Wasted
I waste time, a lot of time, but you probably do as well. There have been times in my life that my career and ministry consumed all of my time leaving my family to wonder what was truly important in my life.
There have been times when sports or technology have consumed my time, once again leaving those close to me wondering what I had become. With 30 days left to live and responsibilities changing I would remove everything and anything that did not strategically add value to the ones I love. Remove everything that was not important.
I have wasted a lot of my life because of choices, selfishness and pride, and before it is over I want to be known as someone who invests my life, who prioritizes what is really important and makes those around me know they are truly important.
Action Step:
◊ Quit my job and all non important hobbies and activities .
In The Dash- Life Policies
I’ve never had a life insurance policy. The joke has always been I was worth more alive than dead which is always a good thing. With a job change recently, I was given a life insurance policy…as it stands I am still worth more alive than dead but at the very least the gap is closing.
Being in a corporate financial position has opened my eyes to the importance of planning for the future and the importance of planning for today. I never want the only thing for my kids to inherit is my debt. I have set goals to be financially free from owing anybody in three years, and what I am learning is that is a tough process, but I want to get to the point that I can be sure that my wife and kids are taken care of for life.
Action Step:
◊ Make sure life insurance policies are up to date and have a financial plan in place.
In The Dash- Road Trip
I love to take trips and travel. I love see new places and experience new cultures. I’ve had some great trips in life and I’ve had some trips that were so horrible. I remember a 20-hour drive back from Disney with my family that involved screaming at the top of our lungs, all in fun, but we all needed a stress reliever.
Either way a trip begins or ends there are memories that are created. I’ve had good memories, not National Lampoon Family Vacation memories, but good memories. A short trip at the end would allow the opportunity to connect with family and crate several lasting memories.
As an adult I remember vividly my trips as a child. I would love for my kids to be able to share in those memories as well as pass their own memories on to their kids as well.
Action Step:
◊Take a brief trip with the family to create lasting memories.
In The Dash- Role Players
I don’t like the dark and I send my wife to check out scary noises in the home. However, I do take great pride in taking care of my family, providing for them and being someone they can lean on. When I’m gone I want someone to check on them, and someone to take care of the small things.
After someone passes we are quick to jump in and help but time passes and people forget. A couple of weeks turn into a couple of months and the person that is left behind is expected to handle the responsibility of two people, all while grieving.
It’s important for me to have key friends there to help carry the role, to help fill in to be a male role model for my boys and to help my wife with the things I used to do.
ACTION STEPS:
◊ Make sure key friends would be there to protect my family.
