Middle School Sex
I get asked frequently if I think it is appropriate to talk to students about sex? My answer is yes, Jesus talked about it and in fact the book of Song of Solomon talks about dating and courtship which obviously applies to single people. I have also been asked is it appropriate to talk about it so young, aren’t you just making them interested in it. Yes, because I talk about sex all of our students are running out and doing it. I think that may be giving to much power and influence to any speaker. The reality is students are talking about sex younger and younger. Students are also blindly experimenting with it younger and younger. On Church Relevance website they posted an article that The University of Texas School of Public Health did.
They recently discovered that middle school sex happens more often than most think. According to their study:
- 1/3 of students experienced precoital touching behaviors
>> 43% of these students experienced sexual intercourse - 12% of students experienced vaginal sex by age 12
- 7.9% of students experienced oral sex by age 12
- 6.5% of students experienced anal sex by age 12
- 4% of students experienced all three types of sex by age 12
Among sexually active middle school students:
- 1/3 experienced vaginal or anal sex without a condom within the past three months
- 1/4 had four or more partners
Obviously, this trend is alarming morally. But researcher Christine Markham also states:
These findings are alarming because youth who start having sex before age 14 are much more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, use alcohol or drugs before sex and have unprotected sex, all of which puts them at greater risk for getting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant.
I think middle school ministry is usually too soft. It is a difficult age to teach because some students are still years away from puberty while others are already beginning to experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol, and porn. Children’s ministers don’t like to touch taboo topics, but when 1 in 3 students are feeling each other up, how can they afford not to?
It takes tact, grace, and wisdom to discuss these things with students without offending or embarrassing them or their parents. It is challenging but worth it. It is much easier for a middle school minister to teach a preventive message than it is for a high school minister to rewire students’ established bad habits.
I wish we didn’t have to talk about subjects like this that destroy students lives but I do believe it starts at home with parents sharing openly and discussing with their students about sex and not just “the talk” once, but open communication. After all do we really believe that they will be confronted with this only once? So why are we talking about it only once? It is time that parents and the church address the pink elephant in the room.
Parents: when is it too early to address it? Is it better to wait until they start to face it or address it before they face it? How have you tackled this tough subject with your teen or preteen?
Lost Generation
So much is made of this generation and how it is lost and has no direction. Isn’t that said about every generation and won’t that be said of every generation to come? Every generation thinks that there generation is better than the one that came before it and every generation feels that they had more vision and purpose than the generation that will follow. The reality is, your generation is what you make of it.
There are those who make poor choices. Those who feel that acceptance is more important than character. Those who feel that the choices they make today to be popular will not affect them later in life. Those choices do make a difference and they do affect you for the rest of your life. I am a walking testimony to poor choices and consequences that come with it. On the flip side there are those who make great choices. There are students who not only want to see change happen in their generation they want to be that catalyst for it. There are students who choose to live a life of character and sacrifice. These are not just students in the church these are students who have a heart for the hurting, broken and forgotten people of generations past.
I so strongly believe that students are not only the future but they are now and they can make a difference and they are making a difference. They are not the lost generation but if anything they are the generation who has the greatest potential to bring people together of different backgrounds, cultures and differences. They have more tools at their disposal, they have more technology at their disposal and I truly believe they are about being real and transparent and forgiving.
Have you given a teenager a chance? You may just find that you can learn from them. You may just find that they become your friend.
Check out this video of a girl of this generation who is trying to make a difference.
Teen Vogue
Irony…I heard about this on the radio and I have been thinking about this subject for a while and then a buddy of mine Kevin Murrell actually posted on this today from the same article. Great minds think alike, or something like that. I have been watching teenagers make poor choice after poor choice in their life and I wonder why? I know I have made and continue to make poor choices in my life but why? Why do we do that? Why do we so desperately want to be accepted by people who in ten years probably won’t matter that much to us anyway? Why is popularity and acceptance worth throwing away our integrity, character and in some cases our life? Is what people think of us really that important? Listen, I struggle with these same questions and I’m thirty years old. I don’t know if that need or desire every really goes away. Check out what Taylor Swift said in the article written on her in the latest Teen Vogue.
TV: Was country music popular in your hometown?
TS: Not at all. The kids at school thought it was weird that I liked country—they’d make fun of me. Junior high was actually sort of hard, because I got dumped by this group of popular girls. They didn’t think I was cool or pretty enough, so they stopped talking to me.
TV: And then in the ninth grade, you signed a song-writing deal, moved to Nashville, and here you are. Did you ever see those girls again?
TS: Actually, I did! I played a hometown show about a year into my career, and they showed up, wearing my T-shirts and asking me to sign their CDs. It was bittersweet, because it made me realize that they didn’t remember being mean to me and that I needed to forget about it, too. And really, if I hadn’t come home from school miserable every day, maybe I wouldn’t have been so motivated to write songs. I should probably be thanking them!
More to come on this later…
‘Sexting’ surprise: Teens face child porn charges
Parents: I pray for you. Raising teenagers is not easy, especially when they grow up so quick. This article does not shock me because I have written on this before, but it scares me that the age continues to drop.
“In an unusual legal case arising from the increasingly popular practice known as “sexting,” six Pennsylvania high school students are facing child pornography charges after three teenage girls allegedly took nude or semi-nude photos of themselves and shared them with male classmates via their cell phones. The female students at Greensburg Salem High School in Greensburg, Pa., all 14- or 15-years-old, face charges of manufacturing, disseminating or possessing child pornography while the boys, who are 16 and 17, face charges of possession, according to WPXI-TV in Pittsburgh, which published the story on its Web site on Tuesday.”
You can read the full article here. You may want to check out the poll that they did with over 1200 students and young adults. Eye opening to say the least. I may even give this poll to our teens at some point. The file is a PDF. Download it to your desktop and check it out.
