Parent Conflicts

I have been asked several times recently by friends in the ministry if I have parent conflicts and if so how do I deal with them?  The answer is not really.  There will always be “that parent” in any ministry setting.  I also realize that one day I may be “that parent” myself.  The reality when working with parents is to stay humble.  I may not have teenagers of my own but in youth culture I am an expert.  Let me explain that last comment.  For nine years I have worked with a tremendous amount of teenagers day in and day out and had them share with me some of the most horrific experiences as well as shared with them the greatest victories in their journey to grow in Christ.  For parents just starting out with teenagers, I have nine years experience on them but I am far from knowing it all, but to a parent I am a expert.  I am the one that they will look to for answers.  That is a huge responsibility and it requires everyone who works with teenagers to do their best to become an expert in their field.

Here are a couple things I have learned the hard way in working with parents in ministry:

• It is not us vs. them.  The reality is parents are still the strongest voice in a teenagers voice.  We need to celebrate that not undermine it.  Youth ministry is still in it’s infancy stage as a “ministry” in the church.  Youth ministry should exist as a support to the family not as a competition with the family.  Too many youth pastors think that because they relate better with kids they know more.  We need to elevate parents and their authority in ministry and be ministries helping parents disciple their own kids.
• Parents will shape their view of your youth ministry based on their kids reaction.  You will have more parents in your office not to explode with joy over their students success, although those times do happen, but it will be because their kids don’t feel connected or loved.  Connect by growing smaller and give ownership to your team.  Parents will see that you are making the effort.  It’s not about programs but about relationships that will create depth in a student.
• Youth ministry is a family ministry.  This means don’t overdue programs, keep the cost down, keep parents informed.  The quickest way to get a parent upset at you is not to keep them informed.  Help parents understand that they are the greatest spiritual voice in their child’s life.  Teach parents that the role of the church is to come along side what is being taught at home.
• Be a resource.  Keep them informed about youth culture and get everything you can for them.

Remember to have a healthy ministry with students and parents you must submit and humble yourselves to serve them.  Remember why you got into youth ministries to begin with, it was to see lives changed.

The 3 C’s

It all starts and ends in the world of leadership with the big three of C’s. Chemistry, competency and character. The more I work with and lead people I understand how true this is. There are those who you see and think, “Wow they would be perfect”, only to find out later a big C is missing. I have known leaders who had character and competency but could not work and lead a team. The opposite is true as well.

I like to stop and ask myself, which one of those am I the weakest at and how can I improve that? Whether it is in my family, with my friends, with my staff or with those who I lead, how can I get better? Leaders are learners. How can I learn from my mistakes? How can I help others learn from my mistakes? How can I learn from others mistakes?

There are certain things that in a team or an organization you can do without, for instance if they don’t wear deodorant, bearable but gross. The three C’s are crucial to any team or organization not matter how big or small? Which one do you need to work on today?