In The Dash- Friends
I have friends I don’t deserve who have had way more influence in my life than I have had in theirs. Friends who have made me a better husband and father because of their influence in my life. They have shown grace, mercy, forgiveness and love, even in the midst of my pride, arrogance and selfishness.
It’s so important to stop and say thank you. In the hectic rush of life so many times we take advantage or take for granted those who lift up our arms to be successful or those who stand beside us in our brokenness.
One-on-one time with key friends is not for everyone; it’s for those who know you the best and who love you unconditionally. It’s not time for those who stand on the outside and are friends from a far or friends only in the good times.
Action Step:
◊ Spend time with key friends.
In The Dash- Mission Legacy
What is drastic? For some drastic would be to attempt to write a book. For others it may be to share their feelings and emotions. Either way, in our life we want to be known for the legacy we leave behind. Even if we have made mistakes in the past, they do not define our legacy and our identity.
Our legacy will be defined by how we’ve learned from our mistakes and made those mistakes our mission. How we’ve been able to get back up may be the most drastic legacy we can leave for our children in a world.
To offer grace and forgiveness and to also accept grace and forgiveness from others is crucial. To own our mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and allow our mistakes to become our mission, while accepting and offering grace and forgiveness may be our biggest legacy.
Action Step:
◊ Do something drastic to leave a legacy for my children.
In The Dash- Held And Release
I have hurt a lot of people in my life. My pride and selfishness have caused pain for others as well as myself. I have held grudges and put up walls in relationships. I have learned both in hurting and being hurt that hurt people, hurt people.
During one season of my life God stripped me of all pride and I was left with nothing other than offering grace and forgiveness to others and requesting it in return. Nothing will set you more free than asking for forgiveness of those you have hurt and letting go and forgiving those who have hurt you.
I have asked to be fully released from those all the way back to high school and I have had to fully release others…even if they did not offer it…Its hard, but it’s healthy and its the right thing to do.
ACTION STEP:
◊ Fully release those who have hurt you and ask for forgiveness of those who you have hurt.
People Of The Second Chance
Who hasn’t messed up and needed a second chance? If you just answered no, not me, you should probably start reading another blog. My life is filled with mistakes, poor choices and heart aches not only for me but for the ones I love. Chances are I will let you down and disappoint you as well. It’s always easy to talk about grace and second chances. It’s hard to accept grace and a second chances from others. It’s even harder to offer grace and second chances to others.
Grace may be one of the hardest things to teach on and live out. I have appreciated People Of The Second Chance because they are an organization that keeps it real and honest and shares it how it is.
People of the Second Chance gives voice to a scandalous movement of radical grace in life and leadership. We challenge the common misconceptions about failure and success and stand with those who have hit rock bottom in their personal and professional lives. We are a community that is committed to stretch ourselves in the areas of relational forgiveness, personal transparency, and advocate for mercy over judgment. We are not ashamed of our scars, wounds, or failures and leverage them as a source of strength and character development. People of the Second Chance have experienced a second chance so we actively support social justice organizations and advocate for the vulnerable, forgotten, and left behind. We are People of the Second Chance.
I love their core values. They are simple and practical. Give a second chance, receive a second chance and be a second chance.
Two of the most influential books I have ever read are Deadly Viper: Character Assassins and Gracenomics: Unleash The Power Of Second Chance Living written by Mike Foster and Jud Wilhite who started People of the Second Chance and it has shaped my life and my view of failure. Life is difficult. It’s even more difficult to feel like you are walking through it alone. The key to success in life is to have someone to walk through it with you. Someone who accepts you in your success and someone who accepts you in your failures. Someone who no matter what is there for you and walks with you and stands with you when it gets tough. I have that. I appreciate those in my life who show me grace. Are you a grace giver or receiver? My goal in life is to be both.
Returning To The Vomit
There is this verse that I don’t like in the Bible. Romans 12:19, “Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. I’ll do the judging, says God. I’ll take care of it.” But God it is easier for me to take care of it and I do believe it is more fun. Luke chapter 6 tells us, “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Forgiveness on the surface appears to be very easy but at the root it is very difficult. I am currently on this journey with God where I am forgiving those who have hurt, betrayed or even destroyed my reputation even if they greet that forgiveness with smugness and skepticism. Here are a few things I am learning.
- I don’t know if the forgiveness is as much for them as it is for me. I am truly setting myself free.
- Forgiveness is painful because it requires you to face your past and your past choices.
- In many cases they may not even believe they did something wrong but that’s not the point.
- Forgiveness requires that we are happy for them not in their failures but in their success.
- Forgiveness may mean that you walk away still feeling it is unresolved from their end.
- Forgiveness gives us hope.
- We forgive not because it feels good or right but because Christ forgave us.
- We are all like children when it comes to forgiveness and non of us have it figured out.
I’m on this journey and at times it is uncomfortable but I know it is completely necessary. All I can do is release them it is up to them to offer the forgiveness or accept the forgiveness. The reality is that our past shapes who we are today but forgiveness will shape who we are tomorrow.
East To West
Building and maintaining healthy relationships is one of the greatest challenges we face in life. It’s a struggle. Getting along with people is a huge struggle! Sometimes we may even wonder if healthy relationships are possible. There is one key that helps in this process of having “happy relationships” and that key is forgiveness. This series will investigate the depths of forgiveness, and how we can have a clean, new start with the people we hurt and the people who hurt us. Our journey will help us know how to give forgiveness, seek forgiveness, and guard against refusing forgiveness.
East To West Series from Fellowship Today on Vimeo.
From Within Our Hearts
Thinking back to my life group last week I keep thinking about his statement, “We associate guilt with church.” Wow how true that is but it’s all representative of our heart. In the New Testament Jesus did not leverage guilt to get others to do what he wanted. I’m sure he would have been great at that but Jesus consistently modeled kindness that led to repentance. Below are a couple key points about guilt.
- Guilt says I owe you an apology.
- Guilt is like a weight or a burden.
- The weight that I pick up from my past I carry into my future.
- It’s almost impossible to please someone who is carrying guilt.
- Guilt eats at the heart and it grows in the darkness but is destroyed in the light.
- Confession breaks the power of guilt.
- Confession eliminates years of guilt.
You will never be able to forgive yourself until you ask for forgiveness from the one who you offended. Take the first step towards spiritual maturity and health and forgive. You’ll be glad you did it.
It’s Just Forgiveness
A title that will catch our attention because it is so much more than just forgiveness. I have had the chance recently to do a message a few times on guilt and shame and so far every time has been the same, people broken and God glorified. The pain that so many people feel every day could be eliminated if we truly understood God’s forgiveness.
Every day I come to God and beg God for forgiveness. Usually I come to God with the same list of items that I have screwed up on. Every day I walk away feeling guilty having to come to God with the same problems. What I realized a couple months ago is that every time I come to God with my junk it is new to Him. See the day before when I came to God He forgave me and He tells us that “our sins are as far from the East as they are the West.” This means that God CHOOSES to forgive us and by forgiving us they have been removed. He chooses to no longer remembers them, so everyday when I come to God and ask for forgiveness “again”, I wonder if God looks at me and says what again?
Today is a new day and the moment that I asked yesterday I was forgiven, just as I am today. So I don’t need to walk away feeling guilty that I keep messing up but I can walk away thankful for undeserved grace and forgiveness. For me the key is to fail forward where I go to God less and less with the same junk because I am becoming more and more like Him.
Are you holding on to guilt and shame from your past that has already been forgiven? Today choose to forgive yourself and do what God does and forget about it, move on and remember today is a new day. You are a new creation, old things are in the past and your future is clear.
Lost Generation
So much is made of this generation and how it is lost and has no direction. Isn’t that said about every generation and won’t that be said of every generation to come? Every generation thinks that there generation is better than the one that came before it and every generation feels that they had more vision and purpose than the generation that will follow. The reality is, your generation is what you make of it.
There are those who make poor choices. Those who feel that acceptance is more important than character. Those who feel that the choices they make today to be popular will not affect them later in life. Those choices do make a difference and they do affect you for the rest of your life. I am a walking testimony to poor choices and consequences that come with it. On the flip side there are those who make great choices. There are students who not only want to see change happen in their generation they want to be that catalyst for it. There are students who choose to live a life of character and sacrifice. These are not just students in the church these are students who have a heart for the hurting, broken and forgotten people of generations past.
I so strongly believe that students are not only the future but they are now and they can make a difference and they are making a difference. They are not the lost generation but if anything they are the generation who has the greatest potential to bring people together of different backgrounds, cultures and differences. They have more tools at their disposal, they have more technology at their disposal and I truly believe they are about being real and transparent and forgiving.
Have you given a teenager a chance? You may just find that you can learn from them. You may just find that they become your friend.
Check out this video of a girl of this generation who is trying to make a difference.
Teen Vogue
Irony…I heard about this on the radio and I have been thinking about this subject for a while and then a buddy of mine Kevin Murrell actually posted on this today from the same article. Great minds think alike, or something like that. I have been watching teenagers make poor choice after poor choice in their life and I wonder why? I know I have made and continue to make poor choices in my life but why? Why do we do that? Why do we so desperately want to be accepted by people who in ten years probably won’t matter that much to us anyway? Why is popularity and acceptance worth throwing away our integrity, character and in some cases our life? Is what people think of us really that important? Listen, I struggle with these same questions and I’m thirty years old. I don’t know if that need or desire every really goes away. Check out what Taylor Swift said in the article written on her in the latest Teen Vogue.
TV: Was country music popular in your hometown?
TS: Not at all. The kids at school thought it was weird that I liked country—they’d make fun of me. Junior high was actually sort of hard, because I got dumped by this group of popular girls. They didn’t think I was cool or pretty enough, so they stopped talking to me.
TV: And then in the ninth grade, you signed a song-writing deal, moved to Nashville, and here you are. Did you ever see those girls again?
TS: Actually, I did! I played a hometown show about a year into my career, and they showed up, wearing my T-shirts and asking me to sign their CDs. It was bittersweet, because it made me realize that they didn’t remember being mean to me and that I needed to forget about it, too. And really, if I hadn’t come home from school miserable every day, maybe I wouldn’t have been so motivated to write songs. I should probably be thanking them!
More to come on this later…
