Ya Ya Sisterhood Conflict

Conflict sucks!  It just does.  Nobody likes to deal with it and yet it is always around us.  Causing us to face it, deal with it, grow from it and challenge others with it.  I remember as a kid I learned to shut people out and just not talk about it, that turned out to not be a healthy solution, who knew?  I’m learning to talk through my feelings now which feels very Ya Ya Sisterhood to me but it is critical to help avoid mass conflict.  Reading through a Perry Noble blog I came across some interesting thoughts.  Most of this is his but some of it is mine.  Enjoy.

1. The fight to keep people happy.  It’s not possible.  People will talk, complain, argue and fight.  So please HIM and not them.  The very people that you try to always make happy may actually be the very people who turn on you in the end.  Jesus never made everyone happy, I believe a group of people killed him because they were not happy with Him.  I have made a lot of people unhappy in my life.  My parents, my sibling, my wife, my kids, my boss, my friends and countless other people.  Happiness should not be our goal in life.
2. The fight to have all the answers. You don’t know it all.  You never will.  There is a reason you have a team around you.  ”Refusing to admit that you don’t know something isn’t showing your weakness…but rather revealing your pride.”  Sometimes others are not challenging authority or being unloyal, sometimes they are simply leaders, leading.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been wrong but argued my way out only to look stupid in the eyes of the other person.  I love Proverbs now more than ever because I see that those who appear to have all the answers look foolish, but those who are quiet actually come across looking wise.  I want to be known as someone who is wise.  So this is a fight that I am walking through.
3. The fight to be “well balanced.” Trust me you won’t.  Not possible.  Too much time is spent on perfecting weaknesses.  Find your strengths and spend a majority of your time on those.  There is a reason you are gifted in those areas.  Nobody is good at everything.  I can’t go up to a sound technician and tell them how to balance their mix.  They know more than me.  You sometimes have to focus only on what you are good at instead of everything.  Bring people along side of you who’s strengths are your weaknesses and as a team you will be complete.  Know what your weaknesses are and have accountability in your life to guard yourself from them.  Don’t try to balance everything.  It won’t happen.  You have to say NO to good things so you can say YES to the best things.  I have failed too many times in life on trying to balance everything.  Somebody or something will eventually fall.
4. The fight to have complete assurance that something will work out. Everything is an experiment.  We walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT.  Faith comes by HEARING the voice of God.  Not the voices of the mockers or the supporters and noot the voices in your head.  The voice of God.  Even then it takes faith.  God will show you what to do but it takes faith and faith is scary.  The key is understanding your not alone.  You will never be 100% about anything except for the security of your faith in Christ.  Even that will shake but not because of Christ, it’s because of us.

So confrontation can be messy when we try to win the fight.  It can be messy when we have an arrogance about us that we can’t be wrong or that we know more because we’ve don’t this longer.  I have been there to many times.  I always fail at confrontation and communication when:

• I don’t line up all the facts.
• When I encounter a person when I am angry.
• When I am vague about the problem.
• When I don’t get their side of the story.
• When I harbor a grudge and don’t forgive them.
• When I don’t give the other person a way out, to make it right.

All confrontations should be looking for a solution.  Sometimes the hardest person to confront is the person staring you back in the mirror.

Leadership Choices

I am constantly looking to get better as a leader.  I have come a long way but I also know I have a long way to go.  Leading people is both a responsibility and a privilege.  Just because people follow you doesn’t mean you are a good leader, it simply may mean that they have to.  I have learned through difficult choices and circumstances what it means to lead with integrity and character and what it means to lead by abuse and the twisting of truth.  I am continually asking myself several questions: 1.  How do I want to be led?  2.  Is how I want to be led best for me or is it best for the organization and cause?  3.  Am I leading my team the best I can according to question 1 and 2?

Perry Noble did a post this morning on the 10 choices a leader needs to make in leading his staff, great post.  I would say these 10 choices don’t just apply to a church staff but to a volunteer staff in any organization as well as corporate America.  Check out what he wrote below.

#1 – Choose to believe the best about the people on your team rather than always assuming the worst about them.

#2 – Choose to trust them to make decisions that matter without having to run every minor detail by your for your approval.

#3 – Choose to believe that when they ask particular questions that they aren’t being disloyal but rather seeking clarification.

#4 – Choose to believe that they really do love the church and want to see it thrive.

#5 – Choose to lead through inspiration and revelation–NOT intimidation, humiliation, condemnation and manipulation.

You can find #6-#10 on his blog at www.perrynoble.com

What are your thoughts?  Do these apply to corporate America as well?  Do you agree, disagree?  Would you change any?  Add to any?

Free Conference_Online

Perry Noble and New Spring Church are running their conference UNLEASH online live today.  Click on the logo to check out the site.

Books #2

Today I am sharing four more books that have made an impact on me and the ministries that I lead.

Pop Goes The Church by Tim Stevens who is an Executive Pastor at Granger Community Church

UnChristian by David Kinnaman who is president of The Barna Group and Gabe Lyons who is the founder of the Fermi Project

Simple Church by Thom Rainer and Eric Geiger

Simply Strategic Volunteers by Tim Stevens and Tony Morgan, Tony is Chief Strategic Officer at NewSpring Church in Anderson, SC

I’ll have more book later this week.  Check out the links associated with each author.  They are leaders in their area of influence.