After School Specials & Saying No

I learned how to say no by watching after school specials in the eighties.  Do you remember those?  Just say no was theme in so many of them when it came to drugs, strangers, drinking and sex.  I learned a lot of lessons from Scott Baio that I have applied to everyday aspects of my life.

I have been watching my friends and even myself fall into this trap of performance based pleasing.  Not being able to say no because by nature were people pleasers.  This is just a reminder that you have to say no to good things so you can say yes to the best.  I sat in life group a couple weeks ago and talked about how can we remove the clutter that keeps our kids from having a healthy relationship with God, us and others.  A lot of good answers, techniques and solutions were thought.  I still say the best way to prevent or remove clutter is to simply say no.

Nobody cares about your schedule as much as you do.  Nobody cares about protecting your time like you do.  Focus on finding those things that really important and value and chase them.  Don’t be afraid to let people down.  Jesus did not heal everyone in the physical sense while on earth.  He didn’t eat at everyone’s house and I would bet he probably turned some “ministry opportunities” because he was focused on a goal.  Maybe we say yes to everything because we really don’t know what is important to us.  Do you have goals?

Response To The Unexpected

When I spoke a couple weeks back and launched our Christmas experiences, I said this quote, “A person’s character is revealed by his or her response to the unexpected.” It’s so easy to say that but then when the unexpected happens and you have to live it, that is when it gets difficult.  I love the fact that God uses ordinary people to do the extraordinary but sometimes because of the unexpected that will happen in my life I don’t even feel “ordinary” enough for God to use me.  Ever feel that way?  Ever feel like you blew it?  Ever feel like what’s the point?

I’ve been bombarded with messages from students and adults over the last couple weeks that feel that exact way and are ready to quit.  My challenge to you is this, if you are a Christ Follower, then you are a child of the King.  It may not always feel like it but we don’t walk through life based on emotions and walk through life based on what is happening around us or to us…we walk through life with a joy knowing what was done for us.  Find comfort that your joy is found in Christ and Him alone.  Maybe as the new year approaches you need to get away from the business of life and run to Him.  For those who read this who may not be a Christ follower, there is so much that will keep you from a true relationship with Christ because you will try to fix it before you run to Him.  If only I can quit looking at that porn, or put down the bottle, or step away from this addiction of sex and drugs.  If only, if only, if only.  Just a reminder that you will never be good enough and you will never have it all fixed before you run to Him…so just do it now, He is waiting.  He loves you.  Don’t give up.  Don’t quit.  What a great way to start out the new year by giving everything to Him.

Maybe your unexpected moment before the new year gets here is to humble yourself and admit that you don’t have all the answers and don’t have it all figured out.  Maybe your unexpected moment of surrender will reveal more about your character than you thought.

Are you resolution maker?  Are you a goal setter?  What changes for you in the new year?

Middle School Sex

I get asked frequently if I think it is appropriate to talk to students about sex?  My answer is yes, Jesus talked about it and in fact the book of Song of Solomon talks about dating and courtship which obviously applies to single people.  I have also been asked is it appropriate to talk about it so young, aren’t you just making them interested in it.  Yes, because I talk about sex all of our students are running out and doing it.  I think that may be giving to much power and influence to any speaker.  The reality is students are talking about sex younger and younger.  Students are also blindly experimenting with it younger and younger.  On Church Relevance website they posted an article that The University of Texas School of Public Health did.

They recently discovered that middle school sex happens more often than most think. According to their study:

• 1/3 of students experienced precoital touching behaviors
  >> 43% of these students experienced sexual intercourse
• 12% of students experienced vaginal sex by age 12
• 7.9% of students experienced oral sex by age 12
• 6.5% of students experienced anal sex by age 12
• 4% of students experienced all three types of sex by age 12

Among sexually active middle school students:

• 1/3 experienced vaginal or anal sex without a condom within the past three months
• 1/4 had four or more partners

Obviously, this trend is alarming morally. But researcher Christine Markham also states:

These findings are alarming because youth who start having sex before age 14 are much more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, use alcohol or drugs before sex and have unprotected sex, all of which puts them at greater risk for getting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant.

I think middle school ministry is usually too soft. It is a difficult age to teach because some students are still years away from puberty while others are already beginning to experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol, and porn. Children’s ministers don’t like to touch taboo topics, but when 1 in 3 students are feeling each other up, how can they afford not to?

It takes tact, grace, and wisdom to discuss these things with students without offending or embarrassing them or their parents. It is challenging but worth it. It is much easier for a middle school minister to teach a preventive message than it is for a high school minister to rewire students’ established bad habits.

I wish we didn’t have to talk about subjects like this that destroy students lives but I do believe it starts at home with parents sharing openly and discussing with their students about sex and not just “the talk” once, but open communication.  After all do we really believe that they will be confronted with this only once?  So why are we talking about it only once?  It is time that parents and the church address the pink elephant in the room.

Parents: when is it too early to address it?  Is it better to wait until they start to face it or address it before they face it?  How have you tackled this tough subject with your teen or preteen?

New Series_SEXED

SEXED from Ryan Geiger on Vimeo.

Alright everybody I am giving the warning now.  I know that some of you feel uncomfortable when somebody mentions the word sex but that is exactly what you will hear at our next UNITED on April 4 at 6:00pm.  I will launch our series talking about God’s view on sex and in case your wondering He is pro sex.  In our life groups we will be covering the topics of what a girl wants/who a guy is uncovering the stereotypes and differences and do those impact our relationships.  We will be talking about sex is bigger than I thought, dealing with the small picture now and big picture later of the consequences as it relates to the spiritual, mental, physical and social aspects of sex.  Finally we will be talking about I’ve messed up, now what?  How to start over, and dealing with the truth of Jesus and your mistakes.

I know this is a sensitive subject and so we are asking that only students and youth staff attend.  One just so it is not uncomfortable for students/parents to be in there and two because of space.  This is usually our most highly attended series all year although I don’t know why.  I know that some of you have younger students but I would strongly encourage to allow your students to attend and use this as a tool to talk about sex with your teenager.  The reality is whether they are 11 or 17 they have questions and it is the role of the parents to teach their kids about sex and it is the role of the church to come along side and affirm what you are teaching from God’s Word. There will be notes provided from the talk that your students use and we will be putting the talk up on my blog in its entirety after the weekend.